Poopsplosion(noun)You know those scenes in action movies where the hero walks casually away from a huge explosion, framed dramatically against the raging fire and chaos. That. But with poo.
First things first, if you’re here for scat you’re going to be REALLY disappointed.
Yes, this is Yet Another Parenting Blog. Because clearly the internet needs more of those.
“I love my daughter, I really do. But fucking hell, can that girl ever shit.”
Secondly, if you’re having to ask that question, I’m guessing you’re not a parent.
I love my daughter, I really do. But fucking hell, can that girl ever shit.
I have no idea how it’s possible for someone so small can squeeze out not just something so foul, but also to fire it out of the front of her nappy and up to her nipples.
Bonus points, naturally, if she can destroy an adorable organic cotton sleepsuit in the process.
Even more bonus points if she can then pee all over herself just as I’ve got her cleaned up.
And manages to snag the nappy bag with an adorably flailing arm and splatter the contents over the wall, herself and me.
“Describing myself as a slummy mummy would be setting the bar unreasonably high.”
Needless to say, I’m not one of those parents who has her shit together. I’m never going to be a yummy mummy and honestly, even describing myself as a slummy mummy would be setting the bar unreasonably high.
I’m a walking disaster and now I’m responsible for the tiniest, most beautiful, perfect human being I’ve ever seen.
I’m not just shitting myself in anticipation of the road ahead. I’m shitting myself, firing it out in all directions.
My poopsplosions might be metaphorical, but they’re no less messy, chaotic and awe-inspiring than my daughter’s.